از شما چه پنهون، يه مدتيه كه دنبال خونه ميگردم. بالاخره بعد از كلی گشتن، يه جايی رو پيدا كردم كه از همه لحاظ عالی بود: بزرگ، تميز، ارزون و غيره. فقط يه اشتباه كردم و قبل از اينكه برم و قرارداد رو امضا كنم، با دو تا از دوستام مشورت كردم.
اولی گفت: “جای خوبيه. اسپانيايی هم ياد ميگيري!” (يعنی محله پر از مكزيكيه!)
دومی گفت: “نههههههههههه!” (يعنی اينكه محله امنی نيست!!)
وقتی به صاحبخونه گفتم كه شنيدم محله تون امن نيست، گفت: “نه بابا، خلاف به عرض رسوندند. نعوذ بالله” ( البته اين ترجمه تحت اللفضی خودمه از جمله: COME ON BABY)
به هر حال چون خيلی اون خونه رو ميخواستم و كنجكاويم هم گل كرده بود، تصميم گرفتم كه زنگ بزنم اداره پليس و ازشون در مورد امنيت محله سوال كنم. پليس هم اتفاقا خيلی همكاری كرد و با مهربانی گفت:
” لطفا پس از شنيدن صدای بوق، پيغام خود را بگذاريد.”
من هم تو رو دربايستی گفتم كه غرض از مزاحمت چيه. بالاخره پس از سه روز و وقتی كه احتمالا ديگه خونه اي در كار نبود، كله سحر، از اداره پليس زنگ زدند. آقاهه آدرس مورد نظر رو پرسيد و بعد از چند دقيقه با يه آمار مفصل برگشت. من هم در راستای اطلاع رسانی شفاف و آگاهی شما از ميزان امنيت ما در آمريكا، آمار رو عينا به سمع و نظر شما ميرسونم. البته برای اينكه به روح مطلب آسيب نرسه، خود كلماتی كه آقاهه استفاده كرد رو اينجا ميارم. ضمنا اين آمار فقط مربوط به يك سال گذشته است:
آمار يك چهار راه اطراف محل مورد نظر:
1 SHOOTING
10 BURGLARY (BREAKING INTO HOUSE)
4 ARMED ROBBERY
29 STOLEN AUTOS
و آمار پنج چهار راه اطراف محل مورد نظر:
3 CUTTING
2 SHOOTING
43 BURGLARY
2 RAPE
16 ARMED ROBBERY
52 STOLEN AUTOS
نميدونستم به اين پليس مهربان چی بگم، فقط احساس كردم از امنيت ميخوام خفه شم. خلاصه من كه ديگه به اون منزل تلفن هم نزدم (به خاطر حفظ امنيت!!!) اما نفهميدم كه بالاخره اين آمار نشون ميده كه محله امنه يا نه. آخه من كه آمار محله های ديگه رو ندارم. فقط يك بار ديگه به جمله نيوتون ايمان آوردم كه ميگه:
“شايد آنها كه كمتر ميدانند، راحت تر زندگی ميكنند.”
I think these crimes usually happen during the night ot very early morning. Why don’t you call the police and ask about your current residence?!
By the way, the worse thing about living in a Hispanic neighborhood is their habit of listening to extremely loud music, day and night.
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